Taking care of old folks
Sunday, November 16, 2008 16:51While my husband was away for a week, it became my task to take care of his father (83 years old) who lives on his own in a 3 story rented house. Too big for an old man who couldn’t walk without an aid of a walker. Unfortunately moving him to a flat where old folks like him live requires a long wait (sometimes 1-2 years) so yes, he’s on a waiting list. Because my husband didn’t heed my suggestion 6 years ago to enlist his father as soon as possible. My husband figured he’s taking care of his father so there’s no need for him to move. In Holland there are available flats (retirement homes) which are beautiful, cozy, accessible and just perfect for the aged.
It was years ago when I gave my suggestion and my father in law then could still walk and not forgetful. But now it’s becoming heavy (taking care of him) because 1) his eyes need medication everyday and thus I or my husband has to go to him for this 2) he’s becoming more and more afraid and anxious of being alone that he demands attention (too much our phone rings continuously the whole day) 3) he will not eat unless you ask (tell) him to 4) my husband drives when going to his house while I walk (I don’t drive) and I hate doing this when it’s raining! 5) some people say that old people become mean and takes advantage by using their situation for people to pity them, especially old men do these often…well…..
6) his house is super depressing, old browning walls with dark brown leather furnitures that even I refuse to stay inside more than 30 minutes because it (feeling of depression) just gets to me!
Thus I went to my dad in law everyday for the past week. Balancing the dog, my umbrella (often rained) and food for him on both my hands. And when I arrive at his place, his hearing aid is (always!!) lying on the table (refusing to wear it, kay tigas ng ulo!) so I had to scream to him for him to hear me (he’s got selective hearing. Would only respond to things he’d like to hear lalo na pag ayaw napagsasabihan ..loko ano? he he) Even when his ref is bursting with food, he refuses to eat, only waiting for his son to come back. All we talk about is his son this and that. One time I had to (almost) drag him out of bed for his lunch, cos he really needed to eat as he skipped dinner and breakfast . Yeah, it was like taking care of a small child. But most of all,even if this situation (there’s more than just him physically weak but more…just don’t want to elaborate anymore) with my father in law irritates me for many years now, I still feel bad for him. Nobody deserves to be alone even by choice. Especially at such age. I can go on and on about this…but I am just glad that his son is back so he’s a happy old man once again. Only my husband is complaining now that the task (taking care of his dad) is becoming difficult that he’d call the retirement home organizers to follow up on his dad’s case. That’s what you get – dahil matigas ulo mo at hindi ka nakinig sa akin nuon pa!
Willa says:
November 17th, 2008 at 3:13 am
did i hear you say “I told you so!”. Both of them are lucky to have you as a family,baka kung iba iba lang yan, while husband is away, “manigas ka!!” ang usual attitude ng pinagiiwanan lalo na kung medyo matigas na rin ang ulo.buti naman at hindi yata nagmana si lovesy dubsy mo sa father nya at least nakinig sa iyo to put him in a right place.
thess says:
November 17th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Willa, yep! I said that to my husband at naku matigas din ulo nito he he!
hardheadedbiik says:
November 17th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
hindi talaga kita maintindihan…… ano ba talaga gusto mo, malambot na ulo o matigas na ulo? :drool: :laugh: ano ba yan, sala ka sa tigas sala ka sa lambot, dun ka na lang sa malauhog :mydance:
di kami natuloy sa hotspring, biglang umulan! ikaw kasi may balat ka sa *toot*toot kaya ayun hanggang dito umaabot ang singaw ng balat mo at umulan at kumulimlim. kaya nanahi na lang ako ng mga butas na medyas. ihanap mo ng gelfren hansam sr. kasi, isali kaya natin sya sa love connection para magkaron ka ng madrasta at maging kang si sinderella.
:run: :run: :run: :run: :run: :run: :run: :run: :run:
:run: :run: :run: :run: :run: :run: :run: :run: :run:
ano pasalubong sa yo ni fafahansam? :mydance: :mydance:
Girlie says:
November 17th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
may pinagmanahan naman pala husband mo eh :belat:
i salute you ha, it’s hard taking care of an old man, buti di mo pinapaliguan? kaya pa ba nya?
THESS: KAYA PA NAMAN NYA MALIGO TSAKA NI-REDESIGNED ANG BAHAY NYA TO FIT HIS NEEDS. TALAGA LANG POSSESSIVE SA ANAK SIMULA’T SAPUL KAYA GANUN KA CLINGY AND NEEDY. I THINK UNTIL THE END GANITO NA LANG.
rhada says:
November 19th, 2008 at 2:44 am
same thing na pinagdaanan ng mom ko. she took care of her FIL, dahil mas gusto nilang alagaan kesa dalhin sa old folks’ home. kaso mo ang FIL nagkaroon ng dementia, ayaw kumain (o nakakalimutan), at naging napakatigas ng ulo (nakikipag-away). she had to see him 3 times a day. breakfast, lunch, dinner. minsan mas madalas pa kasi natatakot sila na baka manigarilyo tapos eh makaligtaan, masunog pa ang bahay. i told my mom na sa kakaasikaso nya, sya naman ang nagkakasakit. hirap sya talaga, sa totoo lang.
anyway, to make the long story short, FIL passed away a week before his birthday in Oct. RIP.
THESS:
YOUR MOM HAS A GOOD HEART! ANG HIRAP MAG-ALAGA, TALAGANG MAGAKAKASAKIT KA. YUN NGA LANG LAKARIN KO BAHAY NG FIL KO SA GITNA NG ULAN AT LAMIG NA TINAMAAN AKO NG UBO AT SIPON, HIRAP! KASI HINDI AKO PWEDE MAG-ALAGA NA MAY SAKIT KUNDI MAHAHAWA ANG MATANDA.
KAHIT KAMI OK LANG NAMAN ALAGAAN SI FIL, KASO YUNG PAGIGING POSSESSIVE AT LAGING GUSTO NALALAMAN KUNG NASAAN ASAWA KO (EVERSINCE GANUON NA SYA) – DATI AKO LANG NARIRINDI SA PHONECALLS NYA, NGAYON PATI ASAWA KO NARIRINDI NA RIN. HE CALLS MY HUSBAND EVEN IF HE KNOWS HE’S WITH A CLIENT AT NAGDEDEMAND NA DAPAT IPINAPAALAM KUNG ANO GINAGAWA NYA :nee: FIL WOULD EVEN CALL OUR FRIENDS IF HE’S NOT ABLE TO SPEAK TO MY HUSBAND, O DI BA?! NAKAKAHIYA SA MGA KAIBIGAN NAMIN TULOY
THING IS HINDI PA DEMENTED FIL KO, MATALAS PA SYA ONLY PARANG BABAE LANG TALAGA SA PAGIGING DEMANDING. YUNG ANG MAHIRAP PARA SA AMIN (LALO NA SA AKIN!) KEYSA PHYSICALLY TAKING CARE OF HIM. MAS MALAKING ORAS GINUGUGOL NG ASAWA KO SA KANYA KEYSA SA AMING 2, PERO WALA NA AKONG MAGAGAWA.